"Somewhere in The Middle"

In Psalm 1 it says: "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night...."

Many times we find oursleves knowing what is right and what is wrong, and having to make a choice. A lot of times we go toward what is wrong instead of what is right. We get stuck in the ways of the world many times, but at the same time we find ourselves wanting to do what God wants us to do. It's natural for us to follow in the ways of the world since we are all born into sin, but how far can we push it? How long can we go knowing that we are walking in sin, but at the same time we know what is right, without surrendering our life to him?

I can't help but to ask myself what if I completely surrendered my life to God? What if I was no longer caught in the middle of right and wrong and instead of just seeing the differences, I lived out the life that God has planned for me? Living the life of surrender consists of always, no matter what saying "yes Lord". This is a really hard thing for me to do. I am not always comfortable with what God is saying to me or with what God wants for me. I am learning... it's hard... but slowly I am learning to hold on to "Not my will, but YOURS be done" and to just give it all to God.

"Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my sideLoving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle"
-Casting Crowns

New Chapter

College! It's something that we all can't wait for as we go through middle school and high school. You grow up with an idea of what college is going to be like and by the time your senior year arrives, you can't wait for college to finally get here.

I had high expectations of my senior year, just like any other uprising senior. I had all of the football games planned out, I had a long list of things to do before I graduated, and I had everything all worked out in my head of how I wanted things to go. Unfortunately my senior didn't go the way I had planned. Different things came up within my family that caused a lot of stress. One thing being, my Dad lost his job. God blessed my Dad for years with a thriving construction business. I grew up knowing that I could get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I don't ever remember waking up to a Christmas and wishing that I had something that I had asked for and didn't receive. God being the God that he is, showed my humility through it all and I learned so much about life.

Having gone through some other things this past year, I have also learned that there are some things in life that just don't make since. There are things that as humans that we have to learn to just turn them over to God and walk in His love and know that God allows circumstance to occur, to shape is into the person He wants us to be. Even when things don't turn out the way that we want them to. Sometimes life will be painful, but through it all, God, in His love, wants us to become more like him. Faith... this is a hard thing to live by, but faith is also a very powerful thing. In the Bible it says that if we have the faith of a mustard seed, that we can move mountains. Wow! That's a hard thing to grasp. I'm not going to lie... faith for me is hard.

In September of 2008, I visited North Greenville for the first time. I wasn't sure if i really wanted to go to North Greenville, but I came with my school because I wanted to have a "free-day" from class. So, I came... the moment I stepped foot on to this campus, I knew right then and there that this was where God wanted me

...So this is where my journey of getting to North Greenville started...

I went back to school and told my counselor that I needed help. Neither of my parents have ever been to college and I had no clue how to begin the process of going to college. I told him my family's situation and he told me of I started working back in September of 2008 getting all of my financial stuff together because I knew that with my Dad losing his job and us not having any money put back for school that I was going to have to work extra hard to get all of the money together. I had some academic scholarships and a couple of other things, but it wasn't enough for my full tuition. Also, considering the fact that I have a twin sister who wanted to come to North Greenville, made it even more of a challenge. It took a lot and was a long stressful road.

Two weeks before I moved to North Greenville, I didn't think that I was going to get to move. My sister and I couldn't get all of our financial stuff together and it seemed impossible that we would ever get to North Greenville. I sat down with my parents as we tried to figure out what we were going to do and it hit me... God had gotten us this far. Did I really think that he was going to let go know? I knew without a doubt that North Greenville was were God wanted me to be and having all of this in mind, I reminded that God is incontroll and that with him NOTHING is impossible. Four days later everything finally worked. He didn't work it out right when I wanted him to, but He worked it out in His time - the best time!

Now I am here at North Greenville and as I look back over the past year, I see how God has worked in my life in so many different ways. God has showed me so much and although I may not be spiritually where I was a couple of years ago, I know that God has me here for a reason. I am excited about this new chapter in my life and about all that God has in store for me. I am anxious and ready to see him more and to be drawn closer to him.

Lost in His Love

I'm in over my head.
Not sure of where I'm going.
I'm lost in your love,
But I'm where I want to be.
Yœur love covers me
And I'm at the place where my soul is at rest.
I'm in over my head.

Answers to Life

Sometimes life doesn't always make sense. I've always been the person who likes to know what's next and I always like to have everything worked out right then. I'm learning though that patience is a virtue and that sometimes the easy way isn't God's way. God's timing is never wrong. It may never be when we WANT it, but its always when we NEED it.One day at a time and one step at a time is the way I'm learning to live my life right now. Our God isn't a God of confusion.
"I lift my eyes into the skies. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the lord, the maker of heaven and earth."

I Run To You

When the world gets me down-
I run to you.
When life doesn't go like I planned,
When I'm so confused and I don't understand,
It's hard because it's out of my hands,
But I run to you.
When I don't know what to do,
And I think I can't make it through,
I run to you.
Sometimes life brings you pain,
But I know just what to do,
I run to you.

-Meagan

Faith

We beg for everything and pray it's not too late.
Everybody's got to kneel, there's no way to re-invent the will.
Everybody's got to stand up on their feet,
But when your spirit gets too weak,
When the water seems so deep,
When the mountain seems too steep,
When you think there is just no way,
He will be there for you night and day.
We beg for courage to overcome our fears.
We no longer want the pain and tears.
We have to stop trying to heal,
We have to get on our knees and kneel.

-Meagan

God's Love

This is truly the great love story of my life... that my Creator chose me. He chose me in my sin. He chose me despite my rebellion. And He loves me so deeply that He allowed His Son to die on a cross for me. I am humbled and yet, I'm in awe. All of my life I have been loved by the One who created me. He knew me when I breathed my first breath and He will hold my head as I take my last. No, I can't comprehend this love but I do know that it is there for all of us.

Psalm 84

Psalm 84

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God,

Even the sparrow has found a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself,

where she may have her young? a place near your altar,

O Lord Almighty, my King and my God,Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;

they are ever praising You.

Better is one day in Your courts, than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my

Godthan dwell in the tents of the wicked.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does

He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in You.

Thoughts and Reflections

It's been like 2 months since I've last wrote. Everything has just been so crazy and i just haven't took the time to do it. A lot has happened over the past two months... God has continued to work in me and show me more and more. Over the past 2 months God has reminded me of somethings and I have caught myself thinking about some of the things that I have read about or journaled about. Thess are some of my thoughts and reflections...

1st:
We can't love God on Sunday and rod him the rest of the week. Jesus said we can't be neutral with him. We have to choose to either worship him or something else. I think for most people, it's just that they don't want to have to SACRIFICE what it takes. People don't like the criticism of choosing God. In Hebrews 13:15 he says that if we choose to be light, we are going to be ripped.

2nd:
Everytime we sin we are just as guilty as the ones who crucified Jesus (what does the thought of that do to you?). The awesome thing is that even when we are covered in sin, God still loves us. From the cross he tells us how much he loves us, but why do we continue to live in sin? If there had been another way for God ro die, he would have. He even prayed in the Garden, but God still said "NO". He (the cross) is the only way to heaven and with that we can either reject God or accept God. If we choose God, we have to carry our own cross and do our own part. He called us to him, but sent us back into the world. He demands no LESS!

3rd:
I think it's about time that we give God more than our leftovers and instead give him ALL we got! This past summer I herd an awesome illustration that Louie Giglio gave. He asked, "Do you want to get to heaven and be on your knees trying to scrape up a little puddle that's left and give it to God?"... I don't know about you, but I DON'T! I don't want to hear God ask, "Is that all you got... is that all you've got for the Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords?" God is very plain in scripture (Malachi) that he does NOT want (nor does he deserve)our LEFTOVERS.

4th:
How would our life change if we wanted nothing more than to make God happy? We should ask, "What does God want?"... Since worship is for God.

5th:
It's not just telling God... It's showing God.

6th:
We lived in a messed up world, but God is BIGGER than this messed up world.

7th:
He holds my heart beat, my life, and when I've sinned and amd entering the pits of hell, he holds and saves me. THAT'S WHY I WORSHIP HIM!

8th:
God is not a God of confussion.

Your life = Frangrance?

Wow! It has been over a month since I have last wrote. Everything has been so busy, but God has been showing some things.
I read in Corinthians 2:14 (Now wherever we go, he [God] uses us to tell others about the Lord and to spread the Good News like a sweet perfume. Our lives are a fragrance presented by Christ to God.) the other night I while reading it something caught my attention. When it mentions the fragrance, this is supposed to be something that comes off of us as we worship God in our daily lives. God rubs off on us and in turn, he rubs up against the people we know and encounter. Some welcome this and some don't, but that part is out of our control. Our focus is to be on him. His life in us is what presents us with this fragrance that bares his name. We should live our lives to where everyone around benefits.

Miracles

Here's a question: What defines MIRACLE? ~When there is a need sensed by a few, and each individual understands his or her responsibility and gives their all regardless of the odds, then Jesus works a miracle. Mark 6:30-44 As I was reading the story of Jesus Feeding the Five Thousand, it became clear to me that every miracle begins with a problem. Just like in the story, the disciples had no food to feed all of the people and would cost eight months of a man's pay to feed all of the people. If you have a problem, then you are a canidate for a miracle, meaning that God's Grace is in your life. In order to recieve a miracle we MUST get involved with HIM. Sometimes we want God to do all of the work, but God doesn't work that way. He wants us to get involved with Him. Part of our responsibilty is sometimes we don't need a miracle, but God may want to use us for a miracle for someone else. Most of the time the request from God makes no sense, but I have herd the obdience is the success to Christian success. Without God we can't; without us He cannot!

Christ is All This and More

CHRIST IS ALL THIS AND MORE
-author unknown-

He is the First and Last,the Beginning and the End!He is the keeper of Creationand the Creator of all!He is the Architect of the Universeand the Manager of all times.
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He always was,He always is,and He always will be . . .
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Unmoved,Unchanged,Undefeated, and never Undone!
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He was bruised and brought healing!He was pierced and eased pain!He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
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He is risen and brings power!He reigns and brings Peace!
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The world can't understand Him,The armies can't defeat Him,The schools can't explain Him,and the leaders can't ignore Him.
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Herod couldn't kill Him,The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and

The people couldn't hold Him!Nero couldn't crush Him,Hitler couldn't silence Him,
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The New Age can't replace Him,
and nonbelievers can't explain Him away!
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He is Light, Love, Longevity, and Lord.

He is Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.

He is Holy, Righteous, Mighty, Powerful, and Pure,

His ways are right, His Word is eternal,His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me!
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He is my Redeemer, He is my Savior,He is my Guide, and He is my Peace!He is my Joy, He is my Comfort, He is my Lord,He rules my life!
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I serve Him because His bond is love,
His burden is light,
and His goal for me is abundant life.
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I follow Him because He is the Wisdom of the wise,The Power of the powerful, The Ancient of Days,
the Ruler of rulers, the Leader of leaders,
the Overseer of the overcomers,
and the Sovereign Lord of all that was,and is and is to come.

And if that seems impressive to you, consider this:

His goal is a relationship with me!
He will NEVER leave me, NEVER forsake me,
NEVER mislead me, NEVER forget me, NEVER overlook me,and He will NEVER ignore my fervent prayer!

When I fall, He lifts me up! When I fail, He forgivesWhen I am weak, He is strong! When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
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When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!When I am broken, He mends me! When I am blind, He leads me!When I am hungry, He feeds me! When I face trials, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home to be with Him!

He is everything for everybody,
everywhere, every time, and every way.
He is God! He is Faithful. I am His, and He is mine!
So, if you're wondering why I feel so secure,
understand this . . .

He said it and that settles it.
God is in control, I am on His side,
and that means all is well with my soul.
Everyday is a blessing forJesus Christ is LORD !!!!
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Psalm 96
Sing a new song to the Lord!
Sing it everywhere around the world!
{2} Sing out his praises! Bless his name.
Each day tell someone that he saves.

{3} Publish his glorious acts throughout the earth.
Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.
{4} For the Lord is great beyond description
and greatly to be praised.

Worship only him among the gods!
{5} For the gods of other nations are merely idols,
but our God made the heavens!
{6} Honor and majesty surround him;
strength and beauty are in his Temple.

{7} O nations of the world,
confess that God alone is glorious and strong.
{8} Give him the glory he deserves!
Bring your offering and come to worship him.
{9} Worship the Lord with the beauty of holy lives.

Let the earth tremble before him.
{10} Tell the nations that Jehovah reigns!
He rules the world. His power can never be overthrown.
He will judge all nations fairly.

{11} Let the heavens be glad, the earth rejoice;
let the vastness of the roaring seas demonstrate his glory.
{12} Praise him for the growing fields,
for they display his greatness.
Let the trees of the forest rustle with praise.

{13} For the Lord is coming to judge the earth;
he will judge the nations fairly and with truth!

A Prayer of David

Psalm 86:1-17 A Prayer of David. Incline Your ear, O Lord, and answer me; For I am afflicted and needy. Preserve my soul, for I am a godly man; O You my God, save Your servant who trusts in You. Be gracious to me, O Lord, For to You I cry all day long. Make glad the soul of Your servant, For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; And give heed to the voice of my supplications! In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, For You will answer me. There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord, Nor are there any works like Yours. All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord, And they shall glorify Your name. For You are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God. Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name. I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, And will glorify Your name forever. For Your lovingkindness toward me is great, And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. O God, arrogant men have risen up against me, And a band of violent men have sought my life, And they have not set You before them. But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, Slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth. Turn to me, and be gracious to me; Oh grant Your strength to Your servant, And save the son of Your handmaid. Show me a sign for good, That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed, Because You, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me.

The Church

As a church we need to honor scripture and abandon religion. Matthew 12:1-5 We as a church today seem to get wrapped up in the religion and miss God altogether. People are so worried about what others are wearing to church instead of the heart of the people. If this is the case and if the church is missing God, then how are others being reached? Insead of the church running Jesus out, we need to lift him up. Matthew 12:6-8 The church has also seemed to have lost their passion about reaching out to others. Matthew 12:9-14 It's time that we make up our mind... are we going to let the little things we worry about get in the way of someting big? Matthew 12:14 We've got to be willing to do whatever it takes to win a generation for Christ.

Joy

JOY is a FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT and HAPPINESS is a CHOICE. You can have both, but you can also have one without the other. If you are prioritizing your life to the reason of your existence, which is to bring to God the glory that He deserves, then you will discover a joy that is unexplainable. With that joy you must find that feeling inside of you that makes you who you are. Wether it be sad, happy, mad, ect. It's ok to be sad or mad at times, but it's happiness that makes you out to be a likeable person. I find myself a lot here lately being down about the situations around me and think to myself about how if I didn't have joy in my life, how miserable I would be. God gives us all kinds of emotions... but in the midst of these emotions I've found that because of the joy that God has given me, that I can always find happiness in every situation. Those who choose to not live their life for the purpose of their existence will find themeselves with no joy.

Living a Life of Worship

This past week at camp God showed me that worship is a life that reflects what's right and God's greatness. I have always known that we are to live a life of worship, but had never heard it put this way before. I found that it's not just telling God how great he is - it's SHOWING him how great he is.
--Worship is for God.
When we come through the door of worship we are humbled before God and we come through saying we are blessed and ask him in return, how can we bless him. By doing this we become a servant. We become his servant by going out and living a life of worship and sharing with others what God has done for us and bringing glory to his name. Sometimes we come into worship and soak it up and keep it all to ourselves. By doing this we classify oursleves as a sponge.
... so what are you... a sponge or a servant?-- I choose to be a servant.
We have to also ask... What does God want?-- Since worship is for God.
How would it change our life if we wanted nothing more that to make God happy?... it has changed my life a lot... instead of worrying what music I like to sing on Sunday mornings or what I thought about the preacher's message... I now ask myself... Is this what God wants?... because what I wants doesn't matter.
We should want and have the desire to give God everything we've got and continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise. (Hebrews 13:15) Even when things are messed up because we live in a messed up world we are still to give him praise and bring glory to his name because God s bigger than this messed up world that we live in-- in order to do this we have to come through the door of worship.

I was babysitting last night and had got the kids to bed and then just sat in silence... I asked God to just speak to me and show me his face. WOW! That's the only way I know to put it. As I sat there and just ask him to break me I began to cry. In the stillness of my heart I was reminded of everything that I have been blessed with and just how merciful our God is. Sometimes the things of this world get in the way and we seem to forget what we have. I was also reminded that I may not always understand the things of life, but that I have a savior who loves me, who is alive, and who is always here for me.

Spiritual Growth - The Pathway of Suffering

Job was a servant of the Lord and the devil desired to have evil things to happen to him so that his character would be brought down. Then God, in His wisdom and own purpose, allowed Satan to do certain things to Job that that he desired to do. I have realized that God allowed those things to happen to Job to help him deepen his faith, to help him define his character, and to help him know God in a more personal way. I also know even though God allowed these things to happen to Job to test him, he set limits on Satan as to how far he could go to bring evil into Job’s life.
We may not always like what is happening, it may be hurtful, harmful, and destructive... all these things and more, but God always puts a limit on them, and has a purpose for allowing them to happen. And that purpose always is that ultimately as we go through things and learn how to deal with them, it's that we come out on the other side stronger and more Christ-like, having a new desire for purity and Godliness, and having new experiences to help us minister to the needs of others who are going through the same things (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
In knowing that everything is all God’s will and that he has allowed these things to happen to in the first place, and that God won’t test us past our limit, then we have to get through and feel all of the pain. Yea, we're going to cry, pray, ask why, get angry, feel abused, feel confused, experience loss and lost ness... lose sleep, and a million possible other feelings that we might feel and experience during these times. And all this with the ultimate goal that we will be purified, and the meaningless things in life will be taken away so that the brightness and Glory of God will shine in us that much more brightly (Job 23:10).
We need to try and take each painful situation and view it as a "wake-up call". God may be calling us to start growing inwardly, spiritually, in dimensions of holiness, commitment and service. Oftentimes, the means of this growth is the pathway of suffering (Job 1:20-22).
Job's first response was to cry out in grief, but then to immediately fall down on the ground in worship, and focus his attention on God. He took an attitude of submission to the sovereign will of God. He sat in silence for 7 days, saying nothing, meditating and rehearsing all the traumatic events that had just happened to him. During these times we need to focus our attention like we never have before on the Person of God...in repentance, and humble submission, seeking a new relationship of closeness to Jesus Christ, calling out to Him for mercy. Before I read Job I was afraid and felt uncomfortable with sharing with other people what was going on and what I was feeling inside. From this I have learned that it is ok for us to talk to the people we trust most and not have to worry about keeping it to ourself. Job talked about what was going on with his most trusted friends. He talked to them about his feelings, doubts, and sadness. Even though his friends didn’t really "get it" he talked over everything. He expressed all of his feelings of sadness and hopelessness that was in his heart... all throughout the book of Job you see this... him putting into words all the pain that was inside his own heart... not hiding it (Job 7:11).
With this we need to strive to be all that we can be for our Father, bringing GLORY to his name and sharing what he has given us to others.

My Twin... My Special Friend

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better thatn one... If one falls down his friend can help him up.

Having a twin is a special gift from God. I wouldn't trade it for nothing. Melanie and I have shared just about every moment of our life together and have aways been there for each other. We are alike in many ways, but yet we are a lot different in ways too. I am good at things that she isn't too good at and Melanie is good at different things that I'm not as good at. Sometimes we get to thinking that one is better than the other, but then we remind each other that if we both were good at the same things then we wouldn't need each other. God has given Melanie to me for a special purpose and I want nothing more than to live out that purpose. Having a twin comes with a special relationship that I couldn't ever have with anyone else. The relationship that we share is something that can't be explained. If one of us is going through a hard time then, we are there to help the other through it. Melanie has always been there for me and gives me someone to talk to when no one else is around. If I see her hurting inside then I feel her hurt. Now, of course we fight. All brothers and sisters fight, but in the end we make up. Later we think back over the things that we fight about and usually end up laughing over it. I am so blessed to have a friend like Melanie and having her to share my life with. No one could ever replace her.

Thanks Melanie for everything! Thanks for being there and for sharing every moment with me... I wouldn't want to share it with anyone else. I love ya girl!

Struggles

I was reading in a magazine the other day and came to an article "The Cocoon and The Butterfly". The article was about a man who found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force it's body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life struggling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that by restricting the cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved it's freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.