In Psalm 1 it says: "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on this law he meditates day and night...."
Many times we find oursleves knowing what is right and what is wrong, and having to make a choice. A lot of times we go toward what is wrong instead of what is right. We get stuck in the ways of the world many times, but at the same time we find ourselves wanting to do what God wants us to do. It's natural for us to follow in the ways of the world since we are all born into sin, but how far can we push it? How long can we go knowing that we are walking in sin, but at the same time we know what is right, without surrendering our life to him?
I can't help but to ask myself what if I completely surrendered my life to God? What if I was no longer caught in the middle of right and wrong and instead of just seeing the differences, I lived out the life that God has planned for me? Living the life of surrender consists of always, no matter what saying "yes Lord". This is a really hard thing for me to do. I am not always comfortable with what God is saying to me or with what God wants for me. I am learning... it's hard... but slowly I am learning to hold on to "Not my will, but YOURS be done" and to just give it all to God.
"Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my sideLoving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle"
-Casting Crowns
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
New Chapter
College! It's something that we all can't wait for as we go through middle school and high school. You grow up with an idea of what college is going to be like and by the time your senior year arrives, you can't wait for college to finally get here.
I had high expectations of my senior year, just like any other uprising senior. I had all of the football games planned out, I had a long list of things to do before I graduated, and I had everything all worked out in my head of how I wanted things to go. Unfortunately my senior didn't go the way I had planned. Different things came up within my family that caused a lot of stress. One thing being, my Dad lost his job. God blessed my Dad for years with a thriving construction business. I grew up knowing that I could get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I don't ever remember waking up to a Christmas and wishing that I had something that I had asked for and didn't receive. God being the God that he is, showed my humility through it all and I learned so much about life.
Having gone through some other things this past year, I have also learned that there are some things in life that just don't make since. There are things that as humans that we have to learn to just turn them over to God and walk in His love and know that God allows circumstance to occur, to shape is into the person He wants us to be. Even when things don't turn out the way that we want them to. Sometimes life will be painful, but through it all, God, in His love, wants us to become more like him. Faith... this is a hard thing to live by, but faith is also a very powerful thing. In the Bible it says that if we have the faith of a mustard seed, that we can move mountains. Wow! That's a hard thing to grasp. I'm not going to lie... faith for me is hard.
In September of 2008, I visited North Greenville for the first time. I wasn't sure if i really wanted to go to North Greenville, but I came with my school because I wanted to have a "free-day" from class. So, I came... the moment I stepped foot on to this campus, I knew right then and there that this was where God wanted me
...So this is where my journey of getting to North Greenville started...
I went back to school and told my counselor that I needed help. Neither of my parents have ever been to college and I had no clue how to begin the process of going to college. I told him my family's situation and he told me of I started working back in September of 2008 getting all of my financial stuff together because I knew that with my Dad losing his job and us not having any money put back for school that I was going to have to work extra hard to get all of the money together. I had some academic scholarships and a couple of other things, but it wasn't enough for my full tuition. Also, considering the fact that I have a twin sister who wanted to come to North Greenville, made it even more of a challenge. It took a lot and was a long stressful road.
Two weeks before I moved to North Greenville, I didn't think that I was going to get to move. My sister and I couldn't get all of our financial stuff together and it seemed impossible that we would ever get to North Greenville. I sat down with my parents as we tried to figure out what we were going to do and it hit me... God had gotten us this far. Did I really think that he was going to let go know? I knew without a doubt that North Greenville was were God wanted me to be and having all of this in mind, I reminded that God is incontroll and that with him NOTHING is impossible. Four days later everything finally worked. He didn't work it out right when I wanted him to, but He worked it out in His time - the best time!
Now I am here at North Greenville and as I look back over the past year, I see how God has worked in my life in so many different ways. God has showed me so much and although I may not be spiritually where I was a couple of years ago, I know that God has me here for a reason. I am excited about this new chapter in my life and about all that God has in store for me. I am anxious and ready to see him more and to be drawn closer to him.
I had high expectations of my senior year, just like any other uprising senior. I had all of the football games planned out, I had a long list of things to do before I graduated, and I had everything all worked out in my head of how I wanted things to go. Unfortunately my senior didn't go the way I had planned. Different things came up within my family that caused a lot of stress. One thing being, my Dad lost his job. God blessed my Dad for years with a thriving construction business. I grew up knowing that I could get whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I don't ever remember waking up to a Christmas and wishing that I had something that I had asked for and didn't receive. God being the God that he is, showed my humility through it all and I learned so much about life.
Having gone through some other things this past year, I have also learned that there are some things in life that just don't make since. There are things that as humans that we have to learn to just turn them over to God and walk in His love and know that God allows circumstance to occur, to shape is into the person He wants us to be. Even when things don't turn out the way that we want them to. Sometimes life will be painful, but through it all, God, in His love, wants us to become more like him. Faith... this is a hard thing to live by, but faith is also a very powerful thing. In the Bible it says that if we have the faith of a mustard seed, that we can move mountains. Wow! That's a hard thing to grasp. I'm not going to lie... faith for me is hard.
In September of 2008, I visited North Greenville for the first time. I wasn't sure if i really wanted to go to North Greenville, but I came with my school because I wanted to have a "free-day" from class. So, I came... the moment I stepped foot on to this campus, I knew right then and there that this was where God wanted me
...So this is where my journey of getting to North Greenville started...
I went back to school and told my counselor that I needed help. Neither of my parents have ever been to college and I had no clue how to begin the process of going to college. I told him my family's situation and he told me of I started working back in September of 2008 getting all of my financial stuff together because I knew that with my Dad losing his job and us not having any money put back for school that I was going to have to work extra hard to get all of the money together. I had some academic scholarships and a couple of other things, but it wasn't enough for my full tuition. Also, considering the fact that I have a twin sister who wanted to come to North Greenville, made it even more of a challenge. It took a lot and was a long stressful road.
Two weeks before I moved to North Greenville, I didn't think that I was going to get to move. My sister and I couldn't get all of our financial stuff together and it seemed impossible that we would ever get to North Greenville. I sat down with my parents as we tried to figure out what we were going to do and it hit me... God had gotten us this far. Did I really think that he was going to let go know? I knew without a doubt that North Greenville was were God wanted me to be and having all of this in mind, I reminded that God is incontroll and that with him NOTHING is impossible. Four days later everything finally worked. He didn't work it out right when I wanted him to, but He worked it out in His time - the best time!
Now I am here at North Greenville and as I look back over the past year, I see how God has worked in my life in so many different ways. God has showed me so much and although I may not be spiritually where I was a couple of years ago, I know that God has me here for a reason. I am excited about this new chapter in my life and about all that God has in store for me. I am anxious and ready to see him more and to be drawn closer to him.
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